PART 5
Erestor felt Elrond squeeze his hand when the Vala first came into view. They walked slowly to where the majestic Hunter and his fearsome horse waited for them. The half-elf had explained what the Vala had said about marrying again and leaving. But they had spoken of this nearly two years ago when the Hunter had first arrived. Now he was leaving.
All of the talk of destiny was beyond Erestor's comprehension but his friend's grief was not. He had seen Elrond grow increasingly agitated as the days progressed. Erestor thought that the Vala could have at least waited until Elros died so he could help Elrond through that loss.
It seemed with every step they drew closer, the half-elf moved slower, as if he wished to make this meeting last as long as it could. Erestor squeezed his hand in return, reminding him he was not alone, and would not be, for Erestor had no intention of leaving his friend. Finally, they came to a halt before the tall Hunter. After a moment's hesitation, Elrond let go of Erestor's hand and threw himself into his husband's embrace. Oromë looked no less upset than his half-elf.
"I am glad you are here," Oromë said to Erestor. The advisor was reminded of their first meeting and he wondered if this parting was what the Vala had been referring to when he said Elrond would have great need of him. Erestor merely nodded in response to the Vala. He averted his eyes from the sad scene as Oromë and Elrond said their good byes. After a long moment, they parted and Oromë drew something from his pocket.
"I have something for you, my love," he said softly, but the ocean breeze carried his words clearly to Erestor's ears. All Erestor caught was a flash of gold as the Vala placed his gift into Elrond's hand.
"It is beautiful," the half-elf whispered, though it was plain to Erestor that Elrond would rather have his husband with him than a golden trinket.
"It is more than a trinket," Oromë said, having heard Erestor's thoughts. The younger elf turned bright red, though the Vala took no notice of him. "Aulë himself made this at my request and placed within it a drop of my blood. The Valar are different than elves. We are spirits first, and the shapes we have taken are but forms to let Ilúvatar's children see us in a familiar light. It is not who we are, but that is not so for me, not anymore. I am Vala just as you are a half-elf; nothing can change that. But we are bound together, and have been so since before either of us was created. Often, I have heard that elves prefer my company for I am most like them in disposition, and it is my connection to you that has made me so. But my physical form has always been just as transient as those worn by my brethren . . . that is until I wed with you.
"I will not say that now I am tied to this form as you are tied to yours and need it to live, but rather it is now tied to me, and should I abandon it to find another form, no other can take its substance to make something else. Thus, the blood I have given for the making of this jewel will always be tied to me and I will always know where it is," the Hunter said as he took the golden pendant from his husband and lovingly placed it around Elrond's neck. "You will always have a piece of me, though I know it gives you little comfort, but should you ever require my presence, you need only use this necklace and I will come."
The Vala touched the golden emblem where it lay over the half-elf's heart, his expression uncertain. Elrond looked down where his husband touched him, his expression unreadable before abruptly flinging himself into his lover's arms once more. Tears fell freely from his eyes, for he could no longer contain them as he clutched desperately to the Vala.
Erestor's heart felt heavy watching them. He would remember this meeting with crystal clarity even millennia later. It was not until the sun had set, and the stars risen to call the Vala away that the two parted. Mustering his courage, Oromë moved toward his silver stallion. The horse looked as subdued as his master as he let the Vala mount him. Swinging around gracefully, Nahar gently touched his soft nose to Elrond's shoulder before sprinting away.
Elrond remained eerily silent for a very long time, and Erestor began to grow very nervous. Then, suddenly, the half-elf simply collapsed, his tears flowing uncontrollably. The young advisor rushed to his friend's side, holding him in his arms until blessed sleep took over. For many months after this, Elrond would not be separated from him, and Erestor wished repeatedly that the Hunter could have stayed.
~~~
5887 years later
A particularly noisy bird woke Elrond from a deep sleep. Over the years, he had often fought with this little blue jay, who couldn't understand why anyone would want to sleep in on such a beautiful day. The half-elf had finally given up, learning to live with his little feathered friend. Yawning, he sat up and stretched.
"My lord," a cheerful voice called as Erestor brusquely opened the door, not even bothering to knock. "The twins have arrived," he said happily, tugging on Elrond's hand. Blinking away the last of his sleep, Elrond looked sharply at his advisor.
"Are they hurt?" he asked, knowing the recent recklessness of his sons. Erestor shook his head no.
"The border guards did not see anything, and Glorfindel went to meet them. Surely, he would not let them get away with hiding injuries. Come, my lord. They will be here shortly." The half-elf let his chief advisor push him into the bathroom, hearing him bustle about in his room. Elrond could not fault Erestor's behavior. His friend had always looked out for his well-being and lately, the Lord of Imladris had been quite stressed.
Settling into the steaming bath, Elrond tried to relax. He should be perfectly happy. If his sons were indeed unhurt, then he had all three children under his roof for the first time since their mother sailed. That thought brought a twinge of grief and guilt to his heart. It had only been ten years since she left, a phantom of her former self.
As he reached for a towel to dry off, Elrond recalled her vibrancy, her laugh. He had never loved her with the same heart wrenching intensity that still made him weak when he thought of his husband, but he had grown very fond of her. Sighing, the half-elf looked down at the golden pendant that lay over his heart. In the ten years since her departure, the pain of Celebrían's loss had become a dull ache, but in over an age, the pain of his husband's departure remained as acute as the day he left. Her absence made him feel even more keenly the lack of his husband.
Elrond moved to look out his bathroom window, dropping the towel in its basket. He fingered the warm metal, remembering the last time he had seen his beloved. The memory always brought with it a double pain, one for the loss of his husband, and another for the loss of his brother. Yet, likewise when he thought about the loss of his much-loved twin, Elrond was reminded on his husband's warm arms holding him as he wept, his low voice murmuring loving reassurances while he placed chaste kisses on his hair. Sometimes in his memory, Elrond could just picture Valinor from the beaches of Númenor while sitting in his husband's arms.
A sudden wave of loneliness washed over the half-elf, making his knees weaken. Leaning against the wall, Elrond considered for the first time in nearly five and a half thousand years calling for his husband. The Lord of Imladris studied the pendant closely, seeing the carefully crafted lines shaped in the image of Oromë's horn, which rested between the Calacirya.
"My lord?" Erestor's voice startled him. "Are you finished?" Elrond took a deep breath, before forcing himself to stop clutching the necklace.
"Yes," he replied, quickly wrapping a towel around his waist before Erestor entered with a change of clothes. The half-elf let his friend help dress him, submitting to Erestor's nervous habit of repetitively smoothing down the same patch of fabric over his shoulders.
The advisor led Elrond back into his bedroom, taking out a brush and braiding his hair, something Erestor rarely did. Elrond understood his friend's need to stay busy, doubtless worried over the state of the twins, fearing that they would not stay long and that their hearts had yet to find peace. When the younger elf gestured that they leave, Elrond stopped him.
"A moment please. There is something I must do, Erestor. I will be right with you." Erestor looked surprised but nodded, disappearing out the door.
Elrond moved to his desk, opening the secret compartment where he stored Vilya. Slowly, he drew his necklace over his head, feeling the weight of it in his hand. Even just holding it, he felt naked. It had been a part of him for almost his entire life, but he knew he could not call his beloved husband merely because he missed him. At the time of their separation, nothing had seemed more unfair, more pointless than his husband leaving him, but he was wiser than he once was, and he had seen the marriage his beloved spoke of. Elrond now knew that it was very important that the Valar did not show their influence directly, if indeed their influence was direct. Despite his heartache, Elrond knew he could not call for his husband.
With one last longing look, he dropped the golden pendant into the drawer. He slammed it shut, turning quickly lest he lose his resolve and take it back up. Striding to the door, he joined his advisor and rushed downstairs to greet his sons.
~~~
"Honestly father, we are fine," Elrohir insisted again, seeing his father's probing look. He moved forward to embrace his father tightly. The instant he felt his father's arms around him, tension he was unaware resided within him drained away. It was the same for his brother when he embraced their father. The tension eased even further when their sister appeared unexpectedly, sweeping them into her embrace.
Elrond smiled weakly at the display. It was all he wanted to have, his three children near him and happy, but he knew their happiness was an illusion. They would need many more years to overcome their mother's suffering, if they ever did.
"I cannot help but worry. Glorfindel reports heavy orc activity near the mountains." At this news, both twins suddenly became very grave.
"Yes, we have seen this, and that is why we have come home," Elladan said.
"They venture too near Imladris for our comfort. We hope that Glorfindel and some of the guard will help us drive them off," Elrohir finished, giving his sister a supportive squeeze.
"Will you take no rest then?" she asked, worried.
"What rest could we find when those we love are in danger?" Elladan hissed, surprising his sister with his vehemence. Elrond sighed. It seemed his sons still had much healing to do.
"Glorfindel and my advisors have already planned an attack, but it will be several more days before they are ready to move."
"But, father-," the twins began, but Elrond looked at them sternly.
"Glorfindel has protected this vale for thousands of years. I trust his judgment and if you want to go with him, you will submit to his leadership and will not run off ahead. Is that clear?" The twins nodded glumly.
"Good. Now let me enjoy your company for the few days you deign to grace us with your presence." Elrond smiled softly to take the bitterness out of his words.
"Father-," the twins began to protest, uneasy with the truth in their father's overly dramatic words. Elrond shook his head at them, moving to embrace them once more.
"Come, my children. It is time for breakfast, and our cook has been threatening me with some new dish she's come up with. If I must suffer, so must you all." Despite the tension, his children laughed, following him into the dining hall.
~~~
The soft strains of Arwen's voice soothed all who listened. Erestor leaned against the wall near the balcony doors, feeling quite content. Sipping his wine, he took in the scene before him. Arwen sat near the fire, forgotten needlework spread over her knees. Beside her sat Elrond, accompanying her with his harp. Glorfindel stood behind Elrond's chair, a silent sentinel guarding his lord. Elladan and Elrohir reclined on the opposite couch, both looking like extremely lazy cats. Erestor was reminded of when they were children allowed to stay up past their bedtime and they would curl up together on their father's couch while the adults spoke or sang near the fire.
Erestor sighed. The twins were not children any more, but warriors filled with barely concealed rage. Even here, surrounded by the peace of Imladris, the advisor could see the tension in their lean frames, the slightly mad glitter in their eyes.
Long ago, when Erestor had first come to Lindon and had seen the anguish his friend and lord suffered, he had promised himself that he would do whatever he could to ensure his lord would not suffer anymore. But the twins were making it very difficult for him to keep his promise. Erestor could see how it hurt Elrond when his sons were gone, the sleepless nights worrying over them, the feeling of guilt that he could not ease their suffering.
Feeling melancholy, the advisor quietly moved out onto the balcony. He breathed in deeply, letting the cool night air chase away his depression. Looking up, Erestor spied Eärendil sailing serenely through the night sky. Not for the first time, the advisor wished that his lord's father could bring his prayer to the Valar, and tell Oromë that his husband needed him.
"You seem troubled," a velvety voice purred. Spinning around, Erestor found Elrohir watching him with intense eyes. Unaccountably nervous, the elder elf hid his hands in his sleeves.
"I suppose I am," he said honestly. The dark-haired twin nodded thoughtfully, stepping up beside his father's advisor and leaned against the railing.
"Anything in particular?" he asked, seemingly only mildly interested in their conversation. Erestor shrugged.
"There are many things to be troubled by," Erestor answered vaguely. Elrohir raised an eyebrow in perfect mimicry of his father. "I appreciate that you may wish to ease whatever burden you feel I carry, but not all burdens are meant to be shared."
Elrohir studied Erestor for a long moment before nodding. "Perhaps," he conceded. "The night is very clear." Erestor blinked at the sudden change in topic.
"It is."
"And my grandfather's star shines uncommonly bright," Elrohir continued, no longer looking at the advisor. Puzzled by the younger half-elf's behavior, Erestor agreed again.
"Do you remember when my brother and I were young, and father first told us that our grandfather sailed the heavens? You said that he watched over us, protecting his son and grandchildren from harm. You also told us that if we wished something hard enough, Grandfather would hear us and take our wishes to the Valar, along with his own plea that they be granted."
Erestor frowned. "It was a child's tale to soothe you when you had bad dreams."
"And was all the more comforting for its believability," Elrohir said, once again pinning the elder elf with his gaze. Erestor sighed, wishing the younger twin was not quite so perceptive.
"Yes, I was wishing your grandfather truly could give my prayers to the Valar."
"And what do you pray for?" Elrohir asked curiously. The advisor sighed again.
"You will not like what you hear."
"Yet, I still wish to know," the younger half-elf replied. Averting his eyes, Erestor moved a few feet away.
"I asked for the Valar to send your father's husband back to him." Silence answered this statement, and the advisor dared a peek at the half-elf. Elrohir regarded him with an unreadable expression.
"And not my mother?" he finally said.
Looking compassionately at the twin, Erestor responded, "No, for though I miss your mother very much, I know that she was hurting. To call her back would only increase her pain. It is better to give her time in Valinor to recover from her wounds. Elrond's husband, on the other hand, is unhurt. He has never met your mother and will not feel her loss as keenly as the rest of this household. Thus he would be able to devote himself completely to your father's sorrow without having to look to his own."
"Do you sorrow?" Elrohir asked, his voice devoid of emotion.
"Of course! Your mother was a wonderful woman, Elrohir, and much loved by her people. We all grieve with our lord and his family for her loss." Erestor watched as a muscle twitched in the younger twin's cheek and his thoughts were painfully obvious. "You blame your father for her leaving. You think he did not love her enough," Erestor almost accused.
"And how could I not? Here you speak of his husband, wishing for his return over hers. If his heart was already taken, he should not have accepted her as his wife. He has betrayed them both!" Elrohir practically yelled. Scowling, Erestor took the younger half-elf's arm and steered him further away from Elrond's study so they would not be heard.
"We have been through this many times already. Your mother herself told you the truth of it. Elrond made no secrets where his heart lay, but she did not heed his warnings and pursued him with such determination that he could do nothing but acquiesce."
"If father's love for his husband were true, he would have waited for him," Elrohir said stubbornly and for a moment Erestor wondered if he hadn't mistaken the twins. He had never seen Elrohir so hot-tempered. The advisor shook himself, needing only to see the absence of a distinctive, small cut at the twin's hairline to know it was not Elladan.
"Your father was lonely."
"Then he should have called his husband back to him."
"It was his husband who left him," Erestor almost shouted, shaking the twin slightly.
"What?" Elrohir asked dazedly. Erestor sighed, yet again.
"It was not my place to tell you, but your father's husband was none other than Tauron. He left your father because he knew his husband would have to marry again. It nearly broke your father's heart, and despite what you say, it is not easy to be alone once you have known love. Your father waited over three thousand years before accepting your mother as his bride, and he would not have done so save that his husband said he was destined to marry another and only after that marriage had occurred could Elrond have any hope of seeing the Hunter again."
"Tauron?" Elrohir questioned incredulously. "The Vala of the Hunt?"
"Yes," Erestor said impatiently. "And your mother was just as incredulous as you are. Indeed most do not believe the truth, though you father has never cared what they think. Do not misunderstand me. Though your mother did not believe who Elrond's husband was, she certainly believed that he was married, or at the very least that his heart was taken."
"But why should he marry her? If he was lonely, he could have found comfort for a moment with one of his many admirers. I have seen how the court looks at him. There are many who would give up their right arm to be with him for a night. I'm sure one could be found who could tend to father's heart and yet be able to let him go when the . . . Vala returned."
"I already told you, Tauron specifically said that it was a marriage, not a fling. And your mother would not settle for anything less than marriage. No one else pursued him as she did, and she had the support of her mother. Your father was vulnerable at the time, having just lost his king and cousin, and he did love her, just not in the way he loved his husband. Besides, the marriage they entered into was not the deep bonding of true lovers, such as Elrond's first marriage. No one can come between such a union. Your parents' marriage was designed to eventually be terminated. I'm sure your mother thought that eventually she would be able to change that, but soon she realized the truth. Though it is cruel to say, any unhappiness she suffered was of her own making."
Elrohir stared in shock at the advisor, finally sinking onto a nearby bench. Wearily he passed a hand over his face, rubbing at his forehead. Erestor looked at him sadly, regretting his harsh words.
"Forgive me, my lord. You have never been in love before, so you cannot know how it turns your world inside out. There is no logic to it. Despite what I have said, I do not think your mother was unhappy. She loved your father and he was always true to her, giving her all the affection he could. He misses her as much as you do."
Elrohir kept his head bent and Erestor could not see his face. Concerned, he gently touched the younger half-elf's shoulder.
"You are wrong," Elrohir said softly.
"Elrohir-," Erestor begin, weary of their arguing. Elrohir looked up at the advisor, his eyes bright with tears and his eyes open with all of his emotions.
"You are wrong. I have loved . . . do love." Erestor blinked at this information before smiling gently.
"Then you should understand your father's pain. He has lost one spouse only to lose another." Elrohir looked down at his feet, pondering this for a moment before looking back at Erestor.
"You are right. My brother and I have been unfair. I will speak to him of this."
"And you will not venture into the wilds anymore?" Erestor asked hopefully. He was greeted with a sad look.
"Erestor. The world is dangerous and someone needs to cleanse it so that no one else gets hurt."
"Your father needs you here more than those creatures need to be riled from their hidden holes. My lord needs to be reminded of what he does have so he can stop dwelling on all that he has lost." Elrohir gave the councilor a very long look before gracefully standing.
"I can promise you nothing, but I will speak with my brother." Erestor sighed, something he did a lot when near the twins, but nodded. Sadly, he watched as the beautiful half-elf slowly walked back up to his father's study, clearly deep in thought.